This is one of those days that I am so glad that there is such things as chocolate and ice cream! When you just feel like shit and nothing is right in the world, chocolate makes things just a bit better. It helps you to feel that just maybe, maybe, you can get past all the shit and be ok. Maybe!
I really shouldn't be surprised. I have definitely learned in my life that when things are going well, shit will happen. It is like I am not fucking allowed to be happy for an extended length of time. For the most part I think I have spent most of my life not happy but I just put on a smile and deal with it. Well, I am fucking tired of that! One thing I have decided in the past month is that I need to be true to myself. I need to put myself first and damn everyone else. Damn, where did that come from. Anyway to the issue at hand. So, things have been going better lately. Still looking for a job but i have hope and other things in my life seem to be falling into place. Oh, how easily just a few words can change all that. I was so having the perfect day. Great sex, good sleep, waking up next to the woman i love, sharing a shower and recieving gifts of love.....................i should have known SHIT was about to happen!!! Then the question was asked. A question that has now consumed my whole day and i can't think of anything else. Why? I have a tough decision to make about this question asked of me and I can't help thinking that no matter what I decide it is a no win for me. I fucking hate NO WIN situations!!!
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i guess we already talked about this on the phone, but the point is to stop trying to predict what others want to hear and just say what you feel. this is not a no win situation- you always have choices. and it wasn't a dramatic change. we always said if it came up we'd talk about it. well it came up. now we're talking about it. that's all. just talking about it.
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