Church and the future...

Doing much better today. Yesterday I went to Des Moines to see my older sister. We then went to the horse races. We had a good time and I came out pretty good in the end. Won $26 on a $2 bet on one race. It was fun. Got home late. I was up again till 2am but I fell right asleep last night.

This morning I got up early to go to church. On my way to Iowa the other day I decided I was going to go to church. I had been listening to some of my Christian cds and they helped me to feel better and really spoke to me. I have been realizing that I stopped going to church because of what happened to me with my old church. I am definitely not going to let those hypocrites keep me from my faith anymore. I guess I have been questioning a lot of things about Christianity but I guess deep down I still believe in God and I know he didn't stop loving me just because I love women now. After church today we went and had breakfast and then I came back to mow my parents lawn. I really like mowing the lawn. It was a nice day today. I did some great thinking while I was mowing. I have been thinking a lot about what I want lately. I try to block out who I am with and just think about what I want in the future. I realized that I want the house, the kids, the yard to mow. I want to cook and barbeque. I want to fix things and work on home projects. I don't know the woman I will be doing all of this with but thinking about this makes me happy. Someday I hope it comes true.