Impossible Situation

Don't feel like blogging right now. I am feeling very unloved at the moment. Things are not very good with sexy and I. I hate impossible situations!!!

Is your larder full?

First I will update you all on my words for the last two days. Yesterdays word was larder and todays word is demure. Thank you Connie and Anonymous for the words. Some of you may want to know were I am getting my words from and why I started this all. Well, I bought this crossword book and as I started doing the puzzles I realized I was having to look up some words. I had just had a conversation with sexy about how I should learn a new word a week and when I realized there are so many words that I don't know I decided I could easily do a word a day. I am keeping a list of them in my calendar. I will try to post my words daily. On a side note crossword puzzles are addicting. I love that kind of thinking. I am having all these new addictions lately. Maybe I should be concerned!!!

NA!!!

Me Time???

Not much to blog about today. I had a pretty uneventful day. I'm really missing the girlfriend. I downloaded some more music tonight. I am working on a couple of mixes right now. I took a nice long bath. I finally had some relaxing me time. To bad it only comes in the tub or in my car to and from work. I read some more of my book while in the tub. I am about to retire to the bedroom to read some more and get some zzzzzzz's.

What does that mean???

I consider myself to be pretty smart but at times I feel dumb. Those times are usually when my girlfriend or someone I know uses a word and I don't know what it means. So, I decided I needed to do something about it. I know some people that are doing 365 days of self portraits and i thought I could do similar. I don't have a camera to do that but I do have a dictionary. So, I decided I would start learning a new word a day. So far the words are mirth and arrears. If anyone has any good words for me let me know. I am setting this as one of my resolutions this year. I feel this is going to be the year of even more new and exciting things.

NO TIME!!!

No time to blog. I spent all night downloading music and I now need to go to bed.

Stress Free Weekend!

I can't believe the weekend is almost over. What a beautiful day it is out! I really hope it stays nice. I am so ready for spring.

Now back to the drama that has been my life lately. So, my ex had his friend pick up jr. so he spent the weekend with his dad. So for now things have calmed down some. But all of this affected me, jr and also sexy. When I arrived at her place Friday night I was drained but also knew serious conversation needed to take place. We tried before dinner and it didn't go so well. I wanted to leave but I stayed and I am so glad I did. After our dinner we had a great talk. We talked about the ex and that situation, we talked about us, we talked about the future and many other things. It was great. I felt so much closer to her afterwards. I am very lucky to have a girlfriend that believes as strongly about communication as I do.

The weekend turned out to be great. Sexy and I spent lots of time just relaxing. Saturday we got up late and then went to the corner diner to get some breakfast. I had had a dream about French Toast and I wanted some badly. The food wasn't the greatest but it was cozy and sexy and I planned out our upcoming trip to Missouri. We went to my square dancing class. We have been learning a lot lately and it is getting harder to keep some of the calls straight but I am hanging in there and I think I am one of the ones that has it together in the group. We then went out to eat at Ghandi. It is a nice Indian restaurant that we have went to before. The food was good as usual. I definitely reccommend getting the samosas. They are really tasty. We then came home last night and sexy did some organizing while I knit and then we watched a very bad movie. I was so sleepy and it was definitely not holding my interest so I kept dozing off. Then this morning we layed and layed around in bed.....well ok that wasn't all we did! We finally got up and now I am home and I have to get some work done before sexy comes over tonight to watch the last episode of the L- word. Right now I am feeling very relaxed and ready to tackle the week ahead.

PLEASE???

So, I spent most of last night arguing with the ex. Then when I was in bed last night he called again and begged me to reconsider. I didn't back down. I felt so strong. I of course of stood up to him before but it was definitely a good feeling last night. I hope he is getting my message. Then I got a call this morning. Yes, it was him and he decided he was going to take his son and his friend was going to pick him up. Then I checked my email today and got this LONG, drawn out email about me not being considerate of him and our son and blah, blah. What a load of SHIT!!! I kindly replied back that if you want to spend time with you son you will get him when you can, and if you don't it is on you and not me!

A load of crap!!!

Shit!!! I hate men.....ok well just one in particular. That would definitely be the ex. He has been telling me all week that he is going to take his son and then keeps saying it will be the next day. Bullshit!!! It is his weekend to get his son and I kindly informed him he needed to come get him if he wanted to see him. No, he wants me to keep accommodating his ass. Well, no more!!! If he really wants to see his son he will come and get him. And then he had the nerve to tell his son he might not see him this weekend because mommy won't bring him to Kankakee. That is when I took the phone and hung up on his ass!!! I am not going to allow him to talk bad about me to my son. My son has finally cried himself to sleep over this whole mess. It really sucks that he has to pay the price for his dad being a jerk.

Sex, Alcohol, and Smoking!!!

As you remember yesterday was a complete disaster and unfortunately today wasn't much better. I have been so tired lately and every night I say I will get to bed on time or early and it never happens. Last night I actually did get into my bedroom on time and then I started to look at my square dancing definitions. Yes!!!! I really did!!! I actually was pretty excited to see how much I had learned. Then I called sexy as I do every night. I know early love!!! No answer. Left a message, figured she still didn't feel like talking. Rolled over and went to sleep. Then at 3am....yes 3, i was woken up by Jr. He had a nightmare and wanted to sleep with me. He seemed upset so I said yes. Little did I know saying "yes" would be the end of my sleeping for the night. Oh, he fell right back to sleep but his snoring kept me up. He is only 6 i kept thinking. How can a six year old snore so bad? Then I thought....just one more thing in which he is just like his dad. VERY SAD!!! When I was with his father I actually wore ear plugs. That was in the beginning of our marriage when we still slept in the same bed! I am just so thankful that sexy doesn't snore!
So, you can definitely say I was dragging today. My coffee, my free iced coffee and my 2 cans of coke didn't even help that much either! By 3pm when I got off work I was half a sleep. Decided on the way home a cocktail is what I needed. Got home, fixed a quick dinner and a drink. Was texting sexy about being tired and feeling stressed. She suggested I take a nap, which i can't do. I can't sleep at night if I do. So, I told her I was going to have a drink and a smoke instead. She was a bit shocked I think at the smoke. She asked me when I started smoking....i said I haven't....just like to smoke when i feel like it. I then told her that 3 things help me to relax when stressed, sex, alcohol, and smoking. Since sex is out i must do the other two, and I did. I am starting to feel better already!!!

DERAILMENT!!!

I am so upset right now. Actually it is more than that. What a disaster!!! I had this wonderful afternoon planned. I was to leave school, go to sexy's and then take her to dinner before her violin lessons. The only thing that happened was the go to sexy's part. As we are leaving sexy's I had to drop her by the library to return books. While she ran in I looked at the time and got nervous about if we would have enough time to eat Indian before her lesson.....that really turned out to be the very least of my problems. So, I decided to call the babysitter to make sure she picked up Jr. ok and made it back to my house. She didn't answer, so I was about to call his school when she called. SHE FORGOT!!! Just how does one forget when I just talked to her this morning to remind her. HOW??? So, i had no choice I had to leave to get him because I have nobody else who can. So, when sexy gets to the car I tell her and she is obviously upset....very understandable. I take her back home and fly to get Jr. 26mins. late......hey only $26 late charge. I then call the baby sitter and explain the situation she put me in and how it was not ok. I told her she is going to have to make up the money I paid in late fees. That is if she ever babysits for me again! Oh.....but the story doesn't end there. I then called sexy to tell her I made it home and she was on the train to her lesson about to switch trains. She then text me a few mins. later saying she got on the wrong train and was now on the purple express to evanston. I felt, and still do feel horrible. Somehow i feel like this is all my fault. Now she has to miss her lesson. I talked to her and she said it wasn't my fault but didn't feel like talking either......also very understandable. I don't like feeling like this is all my fault and the sad thing is I have no idea what I could have done to make it all turn out different. I guess don't loose track of time the next time and don't trust a 17 yr. old to pick up my son!!!

Too Many Errands!

It has been a long day but I feel very accomplished. I have only been home 20mins. but I have already unpacked my bags, fed the rats, started a load of laundry and went through my mail. Work was good today. I had a lot of errands to run after work and that is why I did not get home till almost 8. I still have lots to do tonight so I got to make this quick. Did I tell you I started on my next knitting project. I know I said I was done for a while but I started to go through withdrawl. Knitting really helps me to relax I guess. I guess maybe I should just admit it. I am addicted! I am knitting a bag for myself. It is rainbow colored. I am about 1/3 of the way done already. Should be fun and interesting. I just made up my own pattern so I hope it works out. Got to go the kid is crying.

To Much to catch up on!

It has been so long since i blogged on don't know where to start. Lets start with Thursday night. Sexy, Jr. and I headed over to Sexy's friends Christopher and David's loft in Pilsen. We had a great evening. We ordered thai and had great conversation. It was late and Sexy's place seemed so far away so she decided to spend the night. Christopher dug and some clothes out of his costume closet for sexy to wear the next day. It worked out well. You can find pictures of the evening on sexy's flickr sight.

Friday evening sexy and I already had plans to hang out at her place. So, I got the babysitter and headed over afterschool. I decided it would be nice to have dinner ready for her by the time she got home from work. I made Minestrone soup. Sexy then whipped up some biscuits when she got home. It was very tasty!!! Then we worked on some of her work she had to get done.

Saturday morning came way to early! I got up and had to run a few errands before heading over to Sexy's to help her with some of her errands. We got done with all the errands just in time for lunch. We decided to go to the Icosium Kafe. That is the Algerian Crepe place we went to last week. We decided to try the sweet crepes this time. I got a pinapple, walnut, honey crepe. I really wished I would have went with my first choice of strawberry and chocolate. My crepe was good but Jr's was even better with stawberry, kiwi and nutella. I think even sexy's was better than mine with rasberries and chocolate. I highly reccommend this place to anyone who loves crepes or wants to try them. After lunch I dropped sexy off at home and then took Jr. to his friends place so he could play while I was at square dancing. Returned to sexy's to help her with a little more work and then off to my square dancing class alone. Everyone at class asked about sexy. I love her coming to my class because I love to dance with her. This week all of my "girls" were there so i had plenty of people to dance with. See, I dance boy part and most of the "girls" I dance with are guys that are dancing girl part. I had a good time. It was a busy class and we had lots of new calls. After class it was off to Jen's bday party. (one of sexy's friends) We went to Pete's Pizza and then we were suppose to go bowling after. At dinner it was sexy and I, Jen and about six of her other friends. So, I was there only really know sexy, i had only met Jen twice. It is always a bit strange at first among strangers but soon I jumped right in and started making conversation. We all know how much I love to talk. It turned out to be a good dinner. The pizza was good and I got to have my green beer. What is St. Patricks day without green beer!!! Unfortunately, after dinner it was time for me to pick Jr. up. Sexy turned to me and asked me to got get Jr. and then come back with him and bowl. I was so pleased she wanted to spend more time with me and included Jr. too. So, I called the his friends dad and told him the plan. I no sooner got in my car to head to pick up Jr. and his friends dad called back and said why doesn't Jr. spend the night. It was so nice of him to offer and I took him up on it. So, i met sexy and her friends and we bowled. I miss bowling!!! After bowling i head back to sexy's to crash there for the night. Lots of fun was had!!! I have the marks to prove it!!!

Now we are to today. I got up and fixed breakfast in bed for sexy. Omlettes are sort of becoming my specialty. She loved it! I was so pleased. We then spent some time redying her hair to a darker shade of purple/pink. It looks very nice now. We then had some deep conversation which i may talk about later and then it was off to pick up Jr. Jr and I ran a few errand and then finally arrived home. Since then I have dyed my hair red and spent time online. Well, this about wraps it up. Now I am going to knit a little and then watch the L-word.

Too tired to blog!

It has been a long week and I am exhausted. Just got home from the girlfriends where I cooked and had a little friskiness. I arrived home to find the kid and the babysitter asleep.....so i think that sounds like a good idea. Blog more tomorrow when I can keep my eyes open.

Who knew!!!

Did I really give my parents a hard time when I was six? Did I make them want to hurt me but then feel hurt all at the same time? I am sure I am not the only parent who feels this way. So tonight Jr. was talking back and complaining and refusing to do things and whining. A typical weekday night but I guess I am getting tired of it and the talks aren't working so it is time mommy means business. The final straw was when he stuck his tongue out at me. I sent him to his room and then told him to brush his teeth because he was going to his room and not coming out till the morning. Of course I explained why but i get the line Jesus says to give people another try. I then said Jesus says to forgive and mommy will forgive you but you are still going to your room. So, he is in his room and I had to talk to my mom because I was angry but then my heart was hurting all at the same time. My mom told me it was just going to get harder. I know she is right. I just want what every parent wants......to raise a nice child. I really hope I can do it!

Party Time!!!

Here are some of the pictures from Saturday night!!!











As you can tell we had a great time. More pics can be seen on Sexy's Flickr site.

great weekend!

The last time I posted I was feeling all down and unloved but since then life has been great. I had a wonderful weekend!

Jr. was at his dad's and I was staying at sexy's. My goal this weekend was to get drunk....and i succeeded.

Friday night sexy and I went to this charming neighborhood bar, sat in the corner and drank and played cribbage. It was a fun and charming. Saturday, we layed in bed and read. I finally finished my book. Now that I am done with knitting projects for awhile it is back to reading books. Then Saturday we went to my square dancing class and then went out to dinner at an Algerian Crepe cafe. It was wonderful. I ordered a crepe with mixed greens, baby spinach, roasted garlic, scallions, chicken, sundried tomato temenade, fresh basil and pistachios. It was very good. Both sexy and I really enjoyed it. Then it was off to Dyke Delicious. We were disappointed to find out that they were not playing a lesbian film but the movie showed was charming. We then hurried to Devon Market to buy cactus juice and headed to sexy's friends apartment for some drinking and video games. We all got drunk and had a great time. Pictures to come! We didn't get home till 5:30 early sunday morning....but well worth it.

Life Sucks!

Don't really feel like blogging. I just spent the last 1 1/2 hours on the phone with my best friend Connie who seems to be the only one who wants to talk to me or spend time with me but unfortunately she lives in California. Work sucks, I have no close friends here, my son has nothing nice to say to me and keeps telling me I'm a mean mother and he wished he lived with his dad, and Sexy.....i don't know what is up there. So, I am just going to go to bed and hope tomorrow is a better day.

Cookies anyone?

Sorry I don't have time to blog tonight. I am to busy making cookies to send off to Sexy's sister. I hope she likes them. They taste yummy to me. Applesauce raisin cookies are suppose to be her favorite. Now that her gift is done and the cookies are made it is ready to be sent off....only 1 1/2 weeks late. No big deal. Blog more later.

Who said that?

Don't feel like blogging about my whole weekend but I had one of those kids say the craziest thing moments at lunch on Saturday. Sexy, Jr. and I were having lunch at Sexy's favorite restaurant Su Vans when Jr. out of the blue asked me when he was going to have a little brother or sister. HUH!!! It is not like i have never been asked this before but definitely awkward when it is asked in front of the girlfriend. I didn't know what to say. I said I didn't know.....Sexy said maybe in a few years...then i gave her an awkward look. The only reason i am talking about this is it just came up again. Honestly, i thought i wanted more kids but right now i am too busy trying to hold my life together to think about that. I mean 8 months ago I was married and living a "straight" life with the hope of having another child. Now I am an out lesbian, in an almost 6 month relationship with a wonderful woman. Life is crazy and definitely full of surprises. I use to think a lot about the future but now a days I just think of the present and try to prepare for the future.

Friday Night Fun!

Who says you have to go out and get drunk off your ass to have fun. Doesn't this look like it was a fun time. Sexy and I have been talking about coloring our hair for a while now and finally we did it. Ok, neither turned out exactly as we planned but it was a fun time and I am getting used to my orange hair. Look for new pics to come as sexy's hair is only half done.

Pain?

Has anyone ever felt the need for pain? Maybe it is just me and I am a bit crazy. No, I am not talking about any pain. I am talking about that pain that can give you a "high". So, i get this sort of "high" or adrenaline rush from needles especially. I love getting Tattoos! Anyway on my way home from work Friday I was thinking about this and my need for pain. I want to get my nose pierced and a new tattoo but i know I need to wait. I guess my crazy need for pain will just have to wait........or will it?