relationship ?'s

WARNING! THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH'S WILL CONTAIN LOTS OF RANDOM THOUGHTS AND RAMBLING ON ABOUT THINGS IN MY HEAD!

Friday night I went over to Caitlin's apt. I had asked her to do some mending and hemming a little while back and our schedules finally aligned. I was a bit nervous going over there but felt much comfortable once there. I dropped my stuff off and then let Caitlin finish her dinner and I came back in about an hour. When I got back I tried to read but soon realized that wasn't going to happen. She was listening to music and it seemed like she wanted to talk. So, we started talking. We talked about work, family, friends etc. Just catching up on each others lives i guess. She asked me about Misty and I told her a little but I did not ask about her and Lisa. Although she did volunteer things about her from time to time. Overall, the conversation was good and I realized I really have missed talking with her.

So, when I left there I felt good. Felt good about moving on with my life. So, why is it after having a dream that night and having a bad weekend things have changed? Some of my friends think I am crazy for being with Misty. They think I am still hung up on Caitlin. They are not wrong about that. I admit it. I do still love Caitlin. How is one suppose to stop loving someone they were with for almost 2 years after just 2 months. Well, I guess some people can. It seems that Caitlin is completely over me. She has moved on and seems to be happy. Yeah, that is hard to come to grips with because I still do love her. But I keep telling myself that it is okay. I know that Caitlin and I breaking up was a good thing. We wanted different things and I was way more serious about her than she was about me. And yes, I have moved on too. I do love Misty and I can definitely see me having a future with her. Whenever I looked into the future with Caitlin it was always a bunch of ???'s, but when I look at the future I could have with Misty I see us being together and having the family we both want. So, is it possible to have a new love in your life but still love someone else too?

I am by far not a relationship expert. I have had 2 serious relationships that both crashed and burned. But I do have to say that I did love both of them very much. I look at things with my ex-husband. After two years being apart we actually have a pretty good friendship. I also can say that a part of me still loves him very much. I think I always will love him, but that does not mean I want to be with him. I know things with us would NEVER work out. One, I like women and don't see myself ever being with a man and of course other things too. I also remember it was a bit hard on me and him when we both started seeing other people. His reaction the first time he met Caitlin was not good. So, I think it is understandable that even though i know Caitlin and I not being together is a good thing I still don't have to be happy about her being happy with someone else. I think in time I will be okay with it but I have to tell myself it is okay if I am not now. I guess I am trying to tell myself that it is natural for me to have all these random thoughts about my ex even though I am in a new relationship now. I need some feedback. Someone tell me I am not crazy here. Someone tell me it is perfectly natural to love more than one person at once as long as I only want to be with one of them.