2 days left

I am moving on Wednesday and so far I have my kitchen, bathroom and front room all packed up. Jr is working on his bedroom and I am working on mine. There is still more to pack but I feel like I got a lot accomplished over the weekend. Thanks to Kat and Lisa for coming to help me pack yesterday. My parents and older sister are coming into town tomorrow evening. So with their help I am sure we can get everything else packed up before Wednesday morning.

I am definitely having mixed emotions about moving. I am excited about moving somewhere new but also sad to leave behind the memories that are here. Some I can do with out but I have lived here for 5 years and Jr has done a lot of growing up here. It will be strange being in a new place. But I am excited about my new place and the future. Things seem to be looking up in my life and this new place is just 1 step closer to my future happiness.

I hate packing!

I hate packing!!! If anyone is bored this weekend and feels like helping a friend out, wow could i use the help. Packing and unpacking is by far the worst part of moving for me. I hate it. The actual moving of boxes and packing up the moving truck is easy, that is the part I don't mind. Well, back to packing. yuck!

Michelle Tea!

I decided to go see Michelle Tea afterall tonight. I am so glad I did. I had a great time. In the past couple of years I have been reading a lot more and I have loved being introduced to new books and different genres. I owe this mostly to Caitlin. One of her many influences in my life. Of course lesbian books are of paticular interest to me but I have enjoyed reading a lot of other books too. I have always wanted to go to an author reading at Women and Children First but for some reason never have. I am a bit surprised that Caitlin and I never went when we were together. So, when a friend of my mentioned to me a few weeks ago we should go to a reading together I checked into it and found out Michelle Tea was going to be a guest speaker. I knew her, I read one of her books. I knew I would love to meet an author of a book I had read. So, my friend Neddy and I went and both enjoyed it Michelle Tea was great and I can't wait till the book she is writing comes out. Kristy C. Road was also an author who read tonight. I had never heard of her but she seems interesting so I might check out some of her books too. I am going to have to check out more readings in the future. I already know I am going to go see Alison Bechdel in November.

packing

I really wanted to go see Michelle Tea tonight at Women and Children First but I am feeling so unmotivated to do anything right now. I have the whole weekend to myself and have SO much packing to do that I have to cross all social activities off. I can't believe I am moving in 5 days. I have so much shit to pack. So, I will be spending my free weekend packing while everyone else in Chi-town is having fun!

Stressing

My current landlord calls me on Sunday to let me know he is going back on what he said and now I have to be out on the 1st. Isn't that nice! The apartment that I am moving into is still occupied. The guys who live there now are moving out this weekend so my new landlord said I could move in on the first. So, now I am taking the 1st off from work and moving. It really sucks because I had people to help me move on the weekend and I have few possibilities for during the week. I have barely started packing so I know what I will be doing this weekend while jr. is at his dads. Needless to say I am stressed out. It seems all the stressful things in life hit you all at once. Moving, finances, relationships all very stressful right now.

Fucking Hilarious!!!

Last night Lisa and I went to see Suzanne Westenhoefer. She was fucking hilarious. I loved her. I really can't wait to see her again. We had such a great time. I laughed my ass off most of the time. Afterward, Lisa and I went to dinner at Uncle Julios Hacienda. She had never been there and I love it but haven't been there for over a year. It was still just as good as ever.

Friday Night Fun!!!

A while ago a couple of my friends invited me to go to the chix mix in September. As yesterday rolled around I was not feeling the best but not being the type of person to cancel i went out. I am so glad I did. I had the best time I have had in I don't know how long. I was a bit nervous going to the chix mix with out a gf since that is what I had done mostly in the past but I knew I would have a good time dancing with my friends and we all know I am not shy (especially after a few drinks). We got there early so we had time to drink before the dancing even started. Once more people got there one of my friends and I decided to dance. We were the first ones out on the dance floor so we got our picture taken several times. As the night went on the dancing got even more fun and got a lot closer. On one of our smoke breaks i was introduced to one of the owners of chix mix. She was super sweet and funny to talk too. She made my night later in the evening when she pushed me against the steel cage.....we'll leave the rest of the details out! I had the best time dancing and I also scored free tickets to go see Suzanne Westenhoefer tonight. I have always wanted to see her.
It was a fun and crazy night and now I need to hop in the shower and go out to get my car which is still somewhere in boystown.

Long distance.....it really SUCKS!!!

As most of you know Misty and I are doing the long distance thing. Wow, is it ever hard! I have done the long distance thing before for a couple of months but this is much harder. It has been harder for one because we have had such difficulty talking on the phone since her cell phone sucks and US cellular doesn't have coverage in TX. That will change next week as she will have t-mobile so we will be able to talk. I love talking to her and that will makes things easier.

This morning I have been pretty lonely. I just want to be close to her, to hold her. I miss that. I guess maybe that is the worst part. I never thought of myself as much of a physical person until the past few years but I definitely am. I love the closeness, the cuddling, the holding of hands...etc. This is something I need and it is hard to not have it. I just keep telling myself it is temporary. She will be back before I know it and we can have all that. I have realized this week that I think Misty is the one I want to have a future with. We were talking earlier about Jr and her daughter and how things would be when they were teenagers. Looking into the future like this makes me so happy. It makes me happy knowing i love someone and she loves me back and wants to be in my future and I in hers. So, getting through the next few months is going to be extremely tough but I feel the future seems very bright after that.

I got it!!!

In my last blog I was all happy about this wonderful apartment that I loved and wanted to have. I started to get so dissappointed the next day when I hadn't heard from them. Then I read a nice comment by Caitlin and it gave me encouragement that if I don't get that place there will be something better. So Ion Wednesday I kept my appointment to go see this apartment close to Jr's school. I went there and I absolutely loved it. It is bigger and I think a much better fit for us than the one I loved the day before. So, I filled out the application and was waiting to hear. Well, I just received an email saying I got it. I am so excited. I finally have a place to move too. So, now it is all about trying to come up with the rather large security deposit and rent all with in the next few weeks. Then there is all the packing. Wow, it is nice to finally have a place but now the real stress starts.

Perfect apartment

I have found the perfect apartment. I love it. It is a short distance from work, in a great area and affordable. I just know this is the perfect place for Jr. and I. Unfortunately, others are interested too. The owner will make a decision in the next couple days and let me know. I am hoping and praying I get it.

relationship ?'s

WARNING! THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH'S WILL CONTAIN LOTS OF RANDOM THOUGHTS AND RAMBLING ON ABOUT THINGS IN MY HEAD!

Friday night I went over to Caitlin's apt. I had asked her to do some mending and hemming a little while back and our schedules finally aligned. I was a bit nervous going over there but felt much comfortable once there. I dropped my stuff off and then let Caitlin finish her dinner and I came back in about an hour. When I got back I tried to read but soon realized that wasn't going to happen. She was listening to music and it seemed like she wanted to talk. So, we started talking. We talked about work, family, friends etc. Just catching up on each others lives i guess. She asked me about Misty and I told her a little but I did not ask about her and Lisa. Although she did volunteer things about her from time to time. Overall, the conversation was good and I realized I really have missed talking with her.

So, when I left there I felt good. Felt good about moving on with my life. So, why is it after having a dream that night and having a bad weekend things have changed? Some of my friends think I am crazy for being with Misty. They think I am still hung up on Caitlin. They are not wrong about that. I admit it. I do still love Caitlin. How is one suppose to stop loving someone they were with for almost 2 years after just 2 months. Well, I guess some people can. It seems that Caitlin is completely over me. She has moved on and seems to be happy. Yeah, that is hard to come to grips with because I still do love her. But I keep telling myself that it is okay. I know that Caitlin and I breaking up was a good thing. We wanted different things and I was way more serious about her than she was about me. And yes, I have moved on too. I do love Misty and I can definitely see me having a future with her. Whenever I looked into the future with Caitlin it was always a bunch of ???'s, but when I look at the future I could have with Misty I see us being together and having the family we both want. So, is it possible to have a new love in your life but still love someone else too?

I am by far not a relationship expert. I have had 2 serious relationships that both crashed and burned. But I do have to say that I did love both of them very much. I look at things with my ex-husband. After two years being apart we actually have a pretty good friendship. I also can say that a part of me still loves him very much. I think I always will love him, but that does not mean I want to be with him. I know things with us would NEVER work out. One, I like women and don't see myself ever being with a man and of course other things too. I also remember it was a bit hard on me and him when we both started seeing other people. His reaction the first time he met Caitlin was not good. So, I think it is understandable that even though i know Caitlin and I not being together is a good thing I still don't have to be happy about her being happy with someone else. I think in time I will be okay with it but I have to tell myself it is okay if I am not now. I guess I am trying to tell myself that it is natural for me to have all these random thoughts about my ex even though I am in a new relationship now. I need some feedback. Someone tell me I am not crazy here. Someone tell me it is perfectly natural to love more than one person at once as long as I only want to be with one of them.

Stresses

So much has happened in the past week I am not even sure where to start. I have been stressed out to say the least.

Last week my sister was here which was very nice but also kept me very busy in the evenings. We had some good times and for the most part I think she enjoyed her visit.

Things were also crazy busy at work last week and my boss was out due to surgery. I have been there only a little over 2 months but found myself being put in charge by my boss. I appreciated the confidence she had in me and i took on my new responsibility and got the work done. I am one that remains very calm under extreme stress and craziness. My boss will be out most of this week too so the craziness continues. I felt very appreciated today when I got a nice card and money from my boss for doing a good job. I do love my job.

Also last week Misty the new girlfriend moved to Texas. We had only reconnected for a short while but i try to remember that she is only going to be gone for a short amount of time. We are using this time to get to know each other even more. Time will tell how it all will play out but for now it is nice to be in the pink room again.

I still need to blog about my bbq yesterday but i am too tired to do it now so it is off to talk to Misty and head to bed.