My Fucking Life!!!

So, everyone wants a blog...well here is a blog for you!!! I am a FUCKING Idiot!!! Why haven't I been blogging? Because my life is fucking falling apart and I just keep adding to the downward spiral. I lost my job, my grandfather and now I am about to loose my girlfriend. I don't understand it all. This has by far been the most stressful and hardest year of my life. I just wish it would end. I can't take it anymore. I'm defeated! Am I to blame for all of this? Well, with sexy yes. She trusted me and I fucked that up. She has been the ONE good thing in my life this year....how could I do this to her? I love her more than I have ever loved anyone before. I am smart so how could I do something so dumb. I am so emotional now and full of anger I just don't know what to do!!!