break up

Right now i am suppose to be marching in the dyke march but instead i am blogging. why? because i am stupid. Just when i start to think i can get through the fact that sexy broke up with me, i realize i can't.

What happened was she trusted me with something and i abused that. why did I do it? i don't know. I was weak and i should have never let her trust me with it. I was afraid it would get out of control. god i wish i could rewind time. So things were great with us.....really great. During the movie it was hard. she was busy and tired, i lost my grandfather but we were doing ok. That changed in an instant when she found out what i had done! i was devasted and felt awful and still do. i wanted to tell her, i didn't want her to find out like this. For her she lost her trust in me and i think she questions who i am and questions everything i ever did for her. WOW! i love her so much and i did all the things i ever did for her out of love. but this one big thing ruined all of that and i guess to her made it all meaningless. This of course makes me feel worse than i ever thought i could. so she dumped me. this was just to big for her. i guess i thought she would need some time but we would still see each other and try to rebuild our relationship but obviously she doesn't want that. i shouldn't be surprised, we are practically opposites. i should know the way i react would be totally different than her. so somehow i have to move on and try to have a future with out the one person i wanted to have a future with. My sister told me breakups just mean you weren't meant to be together. but i thought we were. we had a very carnival sort of love, we were so different but god was it great. i wanted to have a future with her! Somehow i will manage to pick up the pieces and move on. someday, somehow!