Happy Monday

If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. ~Attributed to Claudia Ghandi

Movie laughs

My sister and I were watching this movie the other night called I Can't Think Straight. It is a lovely independent lesbian film. It is about an Indian woman who falls in love with a Middle Eastern women. The women were beautiful and it was a great storyline also. I love when movies mix cultural differences with the whole "coming out" experience. The reason I am bringing this up because there was this one part in the movie that i couldn't stop laughing at. It was so hilarious that i had to keep rewinding it to play it over and over again. I guess I needed a good laugh. So anyway the Indian daughter has just told her mom she is gay and the mom is freaking out. In walks dad.......he asks what the problem is. Mom is still freaking out she can't say anything. The daughter turns to her dad and says......i am gay. The dad then says......"but I have only been gone 2 hours!" It was just so funny but I guess maybe you have to see it to find the humor in it.

On a side note to this I find it interesting that it was the dad who handled the news much better than the mom. In my personal case it was the same. My dad was always hard on me and more than anything I never wanted to let my parents down....especially my dad. When I came out i told my mom a couple months before my dad and although she didn't freak out it bothered her. I was so scared to tell my dad but when I did he said he already knew. He wasn't stupid, he picks up on things. My dad has seemed to accept me being a lesbian but my mom still thinks it is a phase. I am still surprised at that. After this last breakup my mom even said now maybe i can forget all this non sense. I know she just wants whats best for me. And my mom was very happy when i was with Lisa. She really liked her. I just wish she could understand that this is who I am...the way i was made and it is not a phase.

Quote for today

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. ~Gilda Radner

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Had a good laugh last night. I told my son that he needed to wear green tomorrow to school since he is part Irish. He looked at me and his mouth fell open. He looked at me and said...."I'm part Irish?" I told him I was so then of course he was too. And then I proceeded to tell him he had German in him, with which he made sure we didn't have anything to do with the Natzis. I assured him we didn't...lol. He was just so shocked to find out he had such mixed blood. After the initial shock wore off he was feeling pretty cool that he was part of all these different cultures and was looking forward to telling all of his friends at school today. I love these moments with my son.

Absent

I know I have been away from blogging for about a year now. Life has definitely been busy in the past year. I had a wonderful relationship with Lisa who I thought was the one for me. I have many great memories that I will treasure forever. But like most things in my life that ended suddenly and without warning. So, my life was turned upside down and now I am trying to get back on track. I wish I could turn back time and change mistakes I made or do anything I could to have saved my relationship but unfortunately all I can do is move forward. So my blogs to come will be about my life moving forward and I am going to try not to dwell much on the past. I would like my blog to be about the good things going on in my life and discuss things important to me. Lets have some fun.

Lets try this again

I have been tossing the idea around in my head to start blogging again. I guess I will give it a try again.

Lovely Weekend

Lets bring everyone up to current time. In my last post I was about to go on a trip with Lisa. Well, we did and we had a very lovely time. As a result of the trip we decided to give dating a try. Well, it has been a month and it is going well. I got some money back from my taxes and I decided to show Lisa a good time in the City Saturday night. I got us a room at the Hyatt Regency in downtown Chicago. I made dinner reservations at Bin 36. Dinner was wonderful. The food was great and the wine flights were pretty good too. It seemed to be the perfect restaurant for Lisa and I. We then went and saw "Rubbed" the musical. It was pretty funny. After stopping at starbucks for some coffee we headed back to our room on the 33rd floor of the Hyatt. The room was very lovely. When we got back to our room I gave Lisa a card and gift. I bought her a pink saphire and diamond ring. She loves rings and it seemed like the perfect gift. After sleeping in today we went for brunch at Bar louie and now we are back at her place. It was so nice to get away......even if it was for just 24hours.

Trip

I just realized i haven't blogged since the beginning of the month. wow, time flies and boy has a lot been going on in my life. Don't have time to talk about all of it so i will hit the highlights. It has been a busy month with my birthday and then jr's birthday. My family came into town a few weekends ago and i had a good time with my sisters. Last weekend I just stayed in. I spent practically all weekend at Lisa's which is always a fun and relaxing time. And now this weekend i am getting out of Chicago. Lisa and I have planned a trip to Lake Geneva and then to Milwaukee. I am really looking forward to spending a long weekend away. The last time I took a trip was last July. I would say I am due. I will try to blog when i get back.

weekend in iowa

Just got back from Iowa. I went home this weekend to see my dad. Not sure if I mentioned it or not but he has been in the hospital. His kidney's finally failed and he had to start dialysis. I am very happy that there is a such thing as dialysis. I spent the weekend just relaxing at my parents. My dad is feeling a little better and at least he has his color back but he is still very weak. I spent time talking to my parents about a transplant. My parents have filled out all the paperwork for a transplant so now it becomes a waiting game. My dad will not get better without a kidney transplant, although he can survive for awhile on dialysis. My mom is also going to check into how family members can get tested. One of my sisters and I already said we would give our kidney but my mom doesn't want that. I understand her reasoning but there is no harm in knowing if we would be a match, just in case. So, needless to say the weekend was a bit intense. I am glad to be back home but not ready for work tomorrow.

President Obama!

Sure, life is busy. Have a review at work, dad is in the hospital, trying to build a relationship, hanging out with friends, ex is moving back from Texas. All this and more is going on in my life but those will be in later blogs. Today I want to talk about what everyone else is talking about and that is President Obama. I worked like most Americans today so I was not able to watch it on TV but I did listen to most of it on the radio. I really like Obama and today was a very historic moment. Now, lets turn to the task he has at hand. The economy is in the dumps and everyone is looking to him to bring it out. Can he do it? I believe he can but it is going to take time. I think some think Obama is going to perform miracles and fast. Don't count on it. Yes, I believe he will bring about change in this country but give him some time. All, good things take time to come together and be successful. What do you think?

Happy New Year!

I am so happy it is 2009. Overall 2008 was a tough year and I am glad to have it behind me. I have hope for a good 2009. I should get you all caught up on the holidays and life's events lately. As you know I went home for Christmas this year. It was a rough Christmas for many reasons. I couldn't help but reminisce about the previous couple of Christmas's i spent with Caitlin which of course made me sad. Also, this was the first Christmas I spend at home since my grandparents passed away. This was also very sad and hard on me. I was determined to have a good Christmas which almost got shattered when my mom had to rush my dad to the hospital Christmas morning. My dad's health has been deteriorating over the last few years and we have been concerned. We weren't sure what was wrong when mom took him to the hospital other than he was having sharp pains in his stomach. After lots of tests mom called a few hours later and gave us good news. It was a kidney stone. Although it was very large and would probably have to be surgically removed it was not life threatening. By the time they got back from the hospital mid afternoon I had Christmas dinner all ready. We ate and then opened gifts. I spent the next few days relaxing, playing games with my sisters, knitting and thinking about my life. I guess I had reached such a sad point a Christmas that I knew I needed to do something about my life. I did lots of soul searching and healing. I was determined to bring in this new year with a different attitude and outlook on my life.

I arrived back to Chicago on the 28th without jr. He wanted to stay at Grandma and Grandpas for the rest of his vacation. I had to go back to work on Monday. I had a very busy week at work. I had lots of end of the year paperwork I had to do. I have heard other administrators complain about the amounts of paperwork they have to do but i don't mind. I actually like the paperwork. For New Years Eve I stayed home. I was going to go bowling with friends but waited to long to buy the tickets. I don't think I have ever spent New Years Eve by myself before. Although I wished I could have had someone to kiss I was happy spending sometime by myself. Me time is something I look forward to, since I don't get a lot of it. New Years day I went out to dinner with Lisa and other friends. It was nice. We went to the Icosium Kafe and I brought my champagne I didn't drink from the night before and we also had wine. I love those savory crepes. They are so good! I had a crepe filled with mixed greens, caramelized onions, roasted garlic, sun dried tomato tapenade, grilled chicken, pistachios, fresh basil and grape oil and balsamic vinegar. Yummy!

Today I went to pick Jr. up and my friend Kat tagged along. It was nice to spend time with her and she loves the Indigo girls so we listened and sang along to them. Jr. is back home now and having lots of fun in the tub at the moment. I need to end this and get him out so I can go get in the tub myself. I nice relaxing bath is just what I need!

ohhhhh.....my aching back!

My back started to cause me a lot of pain last weekend and was really bad on Monday after I square danced Sunday afternoon. I had information for a free Chiropractor appointment so I decided to use it. They ended up taking x-rays. I went back in the next day and the doctor scared me a little when he showed me my x-rays. I am no expert and I don't begin to know how to read x-rays but even I could tell there was something wrong when he put them up. Long story short my lower back is crooked which causes stress on my whole spine and causes my neck to over compensate for it. This is why my lower back hurts and why the back of my neck hurts a lot. I also have some degeneration between some of my vertebrae. The Dr. assures me though that this can be corrected. So, I started my treatment immediately. A combination of three things. First, I lay on this bed and it massages my spine. This feels really good! Next they hook this machine with electrodes to my lower back and neck in the muscle on either side of my spine. It sort of vibrates and is suppose to relax the muscle. With that one I lay on my stomach. After that while I am still on my stomach the dr comes and does the adjustment. He uses this funky tool thing to line up my spine. I am a little sore after my treatments but I am noticing a big improvement. So today I set up a payment plan so that I can continue with me treatments. I know this is going to be expensive but I look at it this way. I am only 32 and my spine is very important to me....i sort of need it to be able to move.

Daily Drama!

The last couple of weeks have been busy . Got into a car accident, which I will dedicate a whole blog to about how pissed I am at the city for not salting streets. Had my holiday party at work which was fun and Santa brought me a Christmas bonus. Have I said before how much I love my job. I have been trying to take a little more me time as I have been a bit more stressed out lately with Christmas right around the corner. Finances just aren't there this year. I am really looking forward to going home for Christmas though. The last couple of Christmas' I spent with C, which were enjoyable, so this will be the first in a few years with my family. I haven't seen a lot of my family this year so it will be nice to see them for a few days. I went and saw Were The World Mine Saturday. I love it and plan on talking more about it soon. So much to do and so little time. I am alive and I will be back soon.

Schudules and lists

I have been doing much better the last few days. Lisa and I sat down yesterday and made lists of things we needed to do to improve our lives. It was good to sit down and reflect on my life and think about things I want to change. I have a nice list that I am already starting to work on. I also worked on a budget, an evening schedule and chore list. And speaking of schedule my timer is about to go off to tell me my 30 min. computer time is done. On to cleaning the bathroom now. More on all my lists and schedules later.

Tough times

Things have been very tough for me lately. And i will explain all in time, but give me time as i am still trying to process everything. I think I have been very depressed, so I will apologize right now to all my friends and loyal readers for being distant and not blogging much.

As most of you know by now things ended with Misty. All of it seemed to be out of my control. Things were going great, so it seemed, and then all of a sudden she shut me out. Well it seems she had some very bad news and was going to need to have surgery. When she finally opened up to me about it I was as loving as a gf could be. I said it didn't matter and it didn't have to change anything between us. I loved her and would be there for her in whatever way she needed me to be. She didn't want me to come be with her and continued to push me away. What could I do? She is very depressed and hurting and all i want to do is be with her but she doesn't want that. She finally said she loved me but couldn't be with me now. Again dumped! Now I just shake my head. I can't believe this is all happening. Misty sort of just popped back into my life suddenly after C. I knew I wasn't ready to get into a serious relationship again but it was Misty and I had always cared for her. My friends warned me about continuing to date when she moved but I figured it would be okay. What i didn't count on was missing her so much and falling in love with her as quickly as I did. So now here I am with my heart broken again. It brings up so much current and past pain. This has been a difficult Thanksgiving week. See I was suppose to be in Texas with Misty and instead I was here and jr was with his dad. Things just got worse when i accidentally found out the ex was taking her now gf back home with her. That definitely stirred up a bunch of hurt and anger that I didn't know was there. But i have to say thanks to Lisa, I did end up having a good thanksgiving. She invited me to her house and I had a great time with her and her family. I know this has just been a bunch of rambling on but hey it is my blog so i can do it if i want. Later!

SICK

I have been sick, sick, sick! I seem to be able to manage to get out of bed, go to work, come home and go to bed. It has been a month now that i have been sick. I have filled my body with so much medicine and antibiotics. I don't understand how i could possibly still be sick!

I will still blog

Don't worry Connie. I am not going to stop blogging. In fact maybe i will blog more. Get my feelings out in my blog instead of sharing them with other people. That has got me no where.

I will just shut up!

I think I will just keep my mouth shut from now on. Really, it doesn't fucking matter anyway. Nothing that comes out of my mouth seems to make a difference anyway!

What to blog about?

I was sitting here trying to figure out what to blog about since i haven't blogged in over a week. I couldn't think of anything. I am so tired of talking about Misty and Caitlin that I just can't be bothered with talking about them anymore. There is just no point in wasting energy talking about people that don't care about me. Lisa suggested I talk about the new things I got for my apartment. I got this really nice entertainment center at brown elephant and i got some lamps and tables from lisa. It will all look really nice when i have enough motivation to actually set up my apartment. Yes, i am still living out of boxes and it stresses me out, yet i can't seem to do anything about it. Am i depressed or just unmotivated about life right now? Either way i wish I could snap out of it. The only things I seem to enjoy are work and hanging out with Lisa.

The Secret Life of Bees

On Wednesday Lisa, Jr. and I went to go see The Secret Life of Bees. I was so excited when i heard it was coming out. I read the book and absolutely loved it. I was really hoping that the movie would be just as touching and good as the book was. I was not disappointed. I really enjoyed the movie. I had heard that some were skeptical of the movie because it starred Queen Latifa and Alicia Keys. I thought they played there parts well. Especially Alicia Keys. She did a great job playing June. The only criticism I might have about the movie is I thought it should have had more about the bees in it. In the book there is a lot more working and referencing to bees. I think as a whole the message and touching parts of the book were definitely carried out in the movie. Lisa had never read the book but she liked the movie and seemed to be very touched by parts of it. As you can tell I am not the best critic but I would recommend the movie and definitely if you haven't read the book you should read it.