Tough times

Things have been very tough for me lately. And i will explain all in time, but give me time as i am still trying to process everything. I think I have been very depressed, so I will apologize right now to all my friends and loyal readers for being distant and not blogging much.

As most of you know by now things ended with Misty. All of it seemed to be out of my control. Things were going great, so it seemed, and then all of a sudden she shut me out. Well it seems she had some very bad news and was going to need to have surgery. When she finally opened up to me about it I was as loving as a gf could be. I said it didn't matter and it didn't have to change anything between us. I loved her and would be there for her in whatever way she needed me to be. She didn't want me to come be with her and continued to push me away. What could I do? She is very depressed and hurting and all i want to do is be with her but she doesn't want that. She finally said she loved me but couldn't be with me now. Again dumped! Now I just shake my head. I can't believe this is all happening. Misty sort of just popped back into my life suddenly after C. I knew I wasn't ready to get into a serious relationship again but it was Misty and I had always cared for her. My friends warned me about continuing to date when she moved but I figured it would be okay. What i didn't count on was missing her so much and falling in love with her as quickly as I did. So now here I am with my heart broken again. It brings up so much current and past pain. This has been a difficult Thanksgiving week. See I was suppose to be in Texas with Misty and instead I was here and jr was with his dad. Things just got worse when i accidentally found out the ex was taking her now gf back home with her. That definitely stirred up a bunch of hurt and anger that I didn't know was there. But i have to say thanks to Lisa, I did end up having a good thanksgiving. She invited me to her house and I had a great time with her and her family. I know this has just been a bunch of rambling on but hey it is my blog so i can do it if i want. Later!

SICK

I have been sick, sick, sick! I seem to be able to manage to get out of bed, go to work, come home and go to bed. It has been a month now that i have been sick. I have filled my body with so much medicine and antibiotics. I don't understand how i could possibly still be sick!

I will still blog

Don't worry Connie. I am not going to stop blogging. In fact maybe i will blog more. Get my feelings out in my blog instead of sharing them with other people. That has got me no where.

I will just shut up!

I think I will just keep my mouth shut from now on. Really, it doesn't fucking matter anyway. Nothing that comes out of my mouth seems to make a difference anyway!

What to blog about?

I was sitting here trying to figure out what to blog about since i haven't blogged in over a week. I couldn't think of anything. I am so tired of talking about Misty and Caitlin that I just can't be bothered with talking about them anymore. There is just no point in wasting energy talking about people that don't care about me. Lisa suggested I talk about the new things I got for my apartment. I got this really nice entertainment center at brown elephant and i got some lamps and tables from lisa. It will all look really nice when i have enough motivation to actually set up my apartment. Yes, i am still living out of boxes and it stresses me out, yet i can't seem to do anything about it. Am i depressed or just unmotivated about life right now? Either way i wish I could snap out of it. The only things I seem to enjoy are work and hanging out with Lisa.